How to Avoid a Kiss
How to Avoid a Kiss
Kissing may be for some but it's not for everyone. Perhaps kissing actually grosses you right out and the last thing you want is Great Aunt Hilda with her warty nose or Great Uncle Umberto with his bad breath coming anywhere near your face. Maybe you hate anyone kissing you, no matter how fresh faced and delightfully smelling they may be. Dodging kisses is an art form and requires tact and skill all at once.
Divert the kiss.Quickly stick out your hand for a handshake or bob down and do a bow or a curtsey instead. Turn your face away as a kiss comes for you. Let the person get a head full of hair instead.
Make up excuses.Say as quickly as you can that it was nice seeing the person but you have to go now and do homework or answer a phone call.
- Set your phone to ring so that you can escape and take that call...
- Tell the would-be kisser that you need to go to the bathroom, desperately, right now and simply take off as fast as you can.
Tell a white lie.Say that you feel a cold coming on and you'd really rather that they didn't catch anything if you did happen to be contagious.
Have a parent or spouse defend you.Have them take the person aside and gently inform them that you're "a little touchy" or "frightened by" kisses and to please not give you one.
Confront the person and be straightforward about not wanting a kiss.Tell the person that you are not okay with being kissed. Inform them that it makes you feel very uncomfortable and that you have made a pact to avoid being kissed ever, by anyone. That way, you can make it clear that it's not personal to the person you're avoiding a kiss from but that you apply it every person.
Look defensive and angry.Inform the would-be kisser that you aren't in the mood for actions of affection today and would prefer that that no touching occurred.
Slightly rude, mad or weird ways to avoid a kiss
Dodge like crazy.Bend backwards, a la Matrix and wave your arms about in slow motion. If you know how to fall over safely, fall as well and excuse yourself for being clumsy.
Dribble.That's right, start dribbling or letting your nose run. If the person has good eyesight, this might be enough to put them off. However, older people may not notice, or if they do, they may not care. This might be best combined with sneezing and generally looking unwell.
Act awkward and shy.Pull back from the person and act weird and uncomfortable. Go into a corner and simply stand there, saying nothing. This isn't a good one for people who know you well and will be seeing you again––it'll just be interpreted as rudeness or silliness.
Make a scene.Throw a tantrum, go bat crazy or start writhing around on the grass in agony. Do anything that distracts the would-be kisser from remembering that they were about to kiss you.
Hold your pet up in front of your face.Demand that little poochie gets a kiss on his wee little nosey first before you get one. There are high chances that neither of you will get a kiss.
Avoiding the post-date kiss
State that you've had a lovely time but don't get too close.Don't lean in or nod towards the other person. Keep a sound distance between the two of you.
Explain that you never kiss on the first (or however many) dates.And that you absolutely mean it.
Avoid mentioning anything romantic.State that you're absolutely exhausted and that while you've had a good time, you can't think of anything better than a solid night's sleep in your comfortable PJs. Add in that you've remembered you need to get to work/a lecture early next morning too.
Make the goodnight short.Do not make conversation, hang about the gate or draw things out. Anything of the sort suggests that the only ending is a kiss. If you'd like to date again, simply say so, then finish with "goodnight".
Transform any attempt at a kiss into a hug.Make it a bear hug, big, cuddly and kind, without a hint of leading to a kiss.
Dodge any kiss.Turn your head so that the kiss lands on your cheek. You could also duck to retrieve an imaginary item or shut the door gently, supposing it was already over for the night.
- Don't hint any kind of affection.
- Some children find being kissed really awful. If they don't like skin contact, unusual odors or overbearing people, it's a good idea to protect a child who complains about hating being kissed.
- Being rude has lasting consequences, particularly in the family context. Sometimes a little white lie is kinder, especially when the person is elderly and means well.
- Telling someone that your herpes virus is flaring up is potentially damaging if you do this to a romantic date. However, if it's true, at least you're being good about protecting them.
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