Bad advice: how to become a hypochondriac

The state clinic will not tell you anything about modern research methods. Firstly, all the doctors there are completely illiterate, and secondly, they do not know anything more interesting than a general blood test and fluorography. A private medical center with a good reputation is also not suitable: principal doctors work there who refuse to deal with charlatans and will never assign you unnecessary but exciting examinations, and therefore there is absolutely no nutritional ground for the growth of hypochondria in these places.

About new research methods need to learn from colleagues, neighbors, as well as from multi-colored booklets that are thrown into your mailbox. The experience of a healthy lifestyle guru from instagram will also be suitable - make sure that the luminary does not have a medical education, because this is a guarantee of its impartiality and extensive erudition. The new research methods include, for example, spontaneous raw foods. It suits you if, until this day, you ate anything.This means that it is time to test for the presence of parasites.

Eat only grapes for three days. If you have been overcome by such a diet flatulence, indigestion, severe attacks of hunger, as well as paroxysms of hatred of everything that exists, this is an indisputable sign of having parasites. Another popular modern examination method is scanning the entire body. If you can not explain what the principle of scanning works on, but promise to give a whole list of diagnoses and at the same time sell herbal tinctures for treatment at the price of diamonds - this is what you were looking for. More non-existent diseases - more hypochondriacal thoughts!

Bad advice: how to become a hypochondriac

Read about incurable diseases on the Internet.

To obtain information about incurable diseases, one should not resort to serious medical sources. The topic of interest is presented in them too dry, pseudo-scientific language that does not leave room for imagination and will not increase anxiety about your well-being.

The best option is to search for revelations of "hereditary witches", "former medical workers" (this phrase is necessarily hidden by the nurse or, at the very least, by the negligent nurse, but not by the doctor)as well as experts on health without medical education. The last to find the easiest: they are like mushrooms after the rain multiply in social networks.

Read about global issues such as universal gluten or lactose intolerance. Soak up the thought that sugar, milk and biscuits imperceptibly killed you throughout your life, which means you have very little left. Experience catharsis. Write about your experience of refusing milk in favor of sugar water on soy flour at the price of fresh buffalo milk to increase the number of neurotics in this world.

Bad advice: how to become a hypochondriac

Avoid reading about health problems for which effective preventive measures exist. Ignore the statements of the World Health Organization, do not be fooled by tales that not eating a heart attack can be helped by a balanced diet, blood pressure control, smoking cessation and regular physical activity. Confidently follow the chosen path and try to make it every day more insane. For example, discard all nuts except cashews, or give green apples to public anathema. At some point, logic will finally refuse you, and you will begin to dutifully follow everythingthat experts from the Internet will advise, without feeling the need to look for evidence or appeal to common sense.

Get a guide to parasites

Call this bible of inner purity every minute of weakness when you want to eat fried potatoes instead of an organic gluten-free casserole on a lactose-free starter with a foie gras filling with a lowered glycemic index. However, if you want to eat an ordinary apple, also think carefully: if it can not be harmful to health, is it not nitrate, bad energy, wrong vitamins? Remember that there is no disease worse than parasites, slags and toxins in the intestine. Gently nourish your parasitic neurosis and try to regularly heighten the anxiety about your health at any opportunity.

Listen anxiously to yourself

Psychologists say that you need to listen to yourself. They mutter about some meditations, awareness, careful attitude to themselves and other nonsense, which help to restore lost contact with their own physicality. All these are half measures that will only reduce anxiety and never make you a real hypochondriac.

Instead of learning to listen to yourself and believe your body, try a completely opposite practice: listen anxiously to yourself. This should be done regularly. If you do not feel anything unusual, try with effort of will to create in imagination a picture of parasites or a cancerous tumor swelling in your blood vessels, which struck the whole organism. Listen to yourself again, feel a slight tingling in the left heel. Feel how numb the tip of the nose. Try to cultivate in yourself painful feelings, think them out and imagine new ones. An experienced hypochondriac ceases to distinguish between where he has imaginary symptoms and those that he does not feel, but is very afraid, and where he is real.

Raise anxiety

Anxiety is the driving force of hypochondria. Without anxiety, patient suspicion will not have enough energy to inspirately visit medical institutions in search of a suitable cure for many imaginary diseases.

Bad advice: how to become a hypochondriac

Therefore, anxiety is necessary to work. Strengthen her study of conspiracy theories, stories that official medicine is a total deception, poor reviews of doctors and a story about ineffective drugs prescribed by a doctor, as well as heated debate about why no drugs work - because of whether,that pharmacies sell all forgeries, or because medical staff conduct secret experiments on patients.

When the alarm reaches its climax, the doctor will notice it and try to talk to you about the need for psychotherapy. He may even offer you anti-anxiety medications. Remember that reducing anxiety is not in your interests, and categorically refuse such outrageous offers.

Ignore the prevention of disease

Clinical examination was invented for idiots who are not able to independently draw up a plan for examination and treatment with the help of Google. Keep this in mind and violently refuse to undergo fluorography, take tests and other diagnostic crumbs that are offered to you by state medicine. The doctor will certainly bleat about the fact that it is better to engage in prevention than to cure, and about the fact that in the early stages of the disease there are no symptoms.

Laugh the doctor in the face, because you already mastered the skill of anxiously listening to yourself, which means that not a single symptom of the disease will pass by. And instead of doing a dull fluorography and a boring blood test, a modern knowledgeable patient will better make a gluten intolerance test and positron emission tomography of the left heel.

These “bad advice” are, of course, comic. However, hypochondria is a real problem that can seriously poison a person’s life. If thoughts about diseases take up most of life, this is not a reason to change doctors endlessly and look for a “specialist from God” to finally get rid of a terrible state of health, confirmation of which is not in numerous surveys. But a visit to a psychotherapist and a confidential conversation with a doctor about the possibility of prescribing anti-anxiety drugs can change life for the better: you will no longer be fixed on the painful sensations and learn to live with chronic diseases, if any.


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