How to communicate in a family
How to communicate in the family, what the family should give the child and what he should give her? The brain of the child carefully collects information to answer these questions and not only uses it in its present life, but also sends it to the storage of memory.
In his future family, the child will try to reproduce the same picture that he sees in his family today. In the first years of life, mystical determinism arises in relation to the model of his future family.
Whether the members of his future family will be united by the magic thread of love, or each of them will live their own life, feeling lonely in the family, normalizing their loneliness or suffering from it - this is being decided today.
Will he be frank in his family with children and his wife, will he use the tender words “you are my darling”, “you are my sweet” in relation to their children or will humiliate them, emphasize their shortcomings, constantly compare them with others, showing to them his conditional love, is solved today depending on the experience he receives from the hands of his parents.
Whether he will yell at children and his wife or will be able to calmly discuss with them the problems that arise, is solved today depending on whether his parents are yelling at him or they are inclined to lead discussions with him.
Psychological program number 1. The female role in the family and the male role in the family. Identification of the girl with the mother, identification of the boy with the father
School of paternity and motherhood
The child unconsciously "photographs" the most varied details of the behavior of the parents. Based on this information, he builds his relationship with his family today and creates the design of his future family life.
It is extremely important that not only his current behavior is formed on the basis of the attitude of parents to a child. The brain of the child creates the most important program “What kind of parent will I be?”. In his future parental role, he unusually accurately reproduces what he witnessed in childhood.
My parents took care of me and I will take care of my child. ”
I have been overly protective, and I will apply the regime of hyper-care to my children. ”
My parents offended me and were indifferent to my problems, and I can also offend and ignore the problems of my child. ”
Creating a model of male behavior
In childhood, the child undergoes the most complex process of sexual identification, which occurs mainly in 3-4 years.
It seems so simple: the boy learns to be like his father, he nails with him, goes fishing, watches football. Like a real man, a boy drives a toy car, goes hunting with a toy gun and plays war.
Creating a model of female behavior
And his sister is learning to be like a mother. In her 5 years, she is like a real woman wearing mother's high-heeled shoes, hanging on herself with a garland of mother beads and weaving in lipstick. She learns to cook, induce beauty in the apartment and plays with her mother's daughters.
The child identifies himself with the parent of his own sex, imitating his behavior. Such copying, imitation, identification occurs in three areas: life, the relationship between parents and their relationship to the child.
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