How to say compliments?
How to say compliments? Sometimes people prefer to refrain from compliments or expressions of sympathy for the chosen one. Behind this behavior is the fear of losing power in the relationship. People think that if you do not show your true feelings, do not show affection, you can control relationships, be at the helm. And they diligently hide their sympathies. Once again I want to emphasize that the problem is not in a specific strategy, but in what lies behind it: the feeling of threat and the fear generated by the presence of internal emptiness. Such people do not feel loved. They seek to merge with another person, at the same time endowing him with those traits that he himself lacks. Or they have to hide the presence of this inner void, and then they hide their feelings. Any of these approaches indicate a serious internal problem.
Healthy people who do not suffer from codependence do not need such games. They do not idealize the partner and do not hide kind feelings towards him. They say good words that are true: “I really liked our meeting. Let's repeat it. "When a partner says something significant about himself, it is quite natural for healthy people to express their approval: “This is a breakthrough! Well done! ”This behavior does not affect the distribution of power in the relationship. It reveals the openness of a whole, healthy, real person in relation to all the good things of another person.
How to say compliments? If you do not idealize your partner, then there is no significant tension in the relationship. Your partner feels that he is appreciated, but at the same time he realizes that you do not need a savior hero who is ready to patch the gaps in your life. He sees that you have a healthy self-esteem. Mature, harmonious people are pleased to know that you are well with them. This gives them reason to call you again or invite you for a date. You should not constantly sing the praises, so as not to seem intrusive, but you should not artificially hide feelings when they are appropriate.
One man told me how he came closer to his future wife. On the second date they had lunch together. He drove the girl home and almost immediately called.There was nothing special about her words: “I just wanted to say that I really liked how we spent our time and how nice we talked. Thanks for the lunch. Good luck".
- Her words sounded at ease, she behaved quite naturally. I felt like a door was flung open in front of me. And I could calmly move forward, not caring about any rules of courtship. I did not need to guess if I liked her or not. At the same time, I knew for sure that she did not stick out of the discharge. Her call was what was needed - neither subtract nor add.
Live life to the fullest and be yourself. Praise something that deserves praise. Contradict when necessary to contradict. Say “yes” to everything that suits you. And for what does not fit, answer no. When you behave naturally, the development of relationships is more subordinate not to some super-efficient strategy, but to the special, mysterious chemistry of the relationship between a man and a woman. Be yourself, and if the manifestation of your real identity does not cause problems, do not think about any games, rules and strategies.
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