I am not your friend, or why it is impossible to be friends with your children

If you think about it, what could be bad about becoming your child also a best friend? But the pitfalls still exist.

The most important thing is that friendship implies equality, which cannot be between parents and children. Mutual respect, goodwill, trust, tact and attention to the personal boundaries of each, of course, will make your life only more beautiful. But in any case, no matter how friendly and close you are with children, the distance should remain. Adult - he is still the main, no matter how cool. In addition, you will not really complain to your son or daughter, as a friend, about the goat-boss or share your sexual preferences. Wday.ru gathered four major dangers of overly friendly relations between children and parents.

can you be friends with your child
Photo: GettyImages

Conflict Needed

Many would like to avoid the difficulties of transitional age.Even the teeth reduces from one phrase - so much horror they write about this period in the women's forums. But it will not be possible to defeat him very smoothly, so relax. The child just needs to express both positive emotions towards you and negative ones. In his feelings for you are mixed love and hate. Psychologists say that such a manifestation of feelings is an important moment for the formation of the personality of a teenager. He needs to be given the opportunity to clash with his elders - without the risk of destroying relationships with them. If you close your eyes to all his misdeeds and forgive everything, he will never learn to take responsibility for his actions. And if you keep it on a “short leash”, the child will not learn to defend his own opinion.

Personal space

Thanks to social networks, a person’s life can be clearly seen. There is nothing to say about teenagers who “disappear for hours there”. The more time a child spends in the virtual world, the stronger the parent's desire to communicate with him online. Accepted application on Facebook, VKontakte or Instagram becomes a symbol of true friendship and confirmation of the thesis “I am a very good parent.”What to do if a daughter or son is not in a hurry to invite you to their pages? Do not be upset and worry about this. Your presence there is not at all necessary, and the absence of a teenager as a friend does not mean at all that your relationship is not very good. How bad can a parent be who trusts his child and doesn't track every step he takes? Leave the child a little personal space - at least virtual. It is important for him to be able to be himself, knowing that no one will judge him.

But do not forget, children always remain children. Watching the actions of your child on the Internet is still worth it. Only this should be done carefully and unobtrusively.

Photo: GettyImages

Change roles

Parents should take care of children. But if you are afraid of responsible decisions, then the child has no choice but to switch roles with you. But in this case, he will no longer feel safe. Parents should not take their childhood from their child. They can behave as they please in any other place, but they should be loving, adult, caring mom and dad. Children who have “adopted” their parents often have difficulty communicating with their peers, and afterwards with employers.

It will be easy for a child to compromise his own interests, while bringing up completely adult arguments, stating: “I can do without it. Our family can't afford it. ” He would prefer to hide his emotional state, and even physical injuries, fearing to upset his parent. Such children will have great difficulty when it comes time to move out from their parents. They will be scared to leave adults alone.

What goes around comes around

Psychologists say that children from “democratic” families often grow up talented, but constantly in search. For them, the usual pattern of behavior in the family is to discuss their current affairs and listen to the opinions of others. Therefore, when making decisions, they can rely on someone's opinion, but also the responsibility in case of failure will pass on to another. Therefore, over the years, friendly relations with parents turn into accusations, although they still depend on their opinions. They are more acutely experiencing failures and more dramatic about the change of profession. Here is another reason to think about whether it is necessary to be friends with your child.


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